75 lost and still the idea that i am fat….

I HAVE LOST 75 POUNDS IN NINE MONTHS!!! this is a huge deal to me!! a few updates and interesting experiences this week- so my cousin is getting married next week and i have to have a coctail dress so iwent with my mom to macy’s and honestly didnt think that i wouuldnt be able to find anything, maybe in the plus size section but i was looking at dressed and my mom told me to try on this dress that i thought would never make it over the shoulders. so as im in the dressing room and slowly putting it over my head and slowly pulling it down i am freaking out! A SIZE 16 FIT AND LOOKED AMAZING!!!! if you have ever been in my shoes than you know this is big deal because i have never been able to walk into a department store and buy something off the rack- more importantly in a non-plus sized section!!!!

second interesting thing to happen this week- so im at work and talking with co-workers and this new guard( i work at a boy’s prison) walks up and well lets just say- i almost drooled, he was gorgeous!! so for the past two days we have been giving each other a lot of eye contact during the time im in his building. so today after i leave his building to go back to the clinic a friend of mine and i start talking about the guard and she says- ask him out! and i immediately say no so she goes and calls him!!! she informs him that i think he is cute, ask him his name, age, and if he has a girlfriend- interesting- afterwards my friends are like – amanda, why dont you ask him out?  i said that it would never be able to do that because i had trained myself to not ask guys out or tell the mi life them because they will freak out and never talk to me- or that is what they always did before. so i realized that i will never be able to just tell a guy i like him- even if i do become small i dont think i will be able to feel like a guy isnt goign to go running in the other direction- will i ever realize that i am attractive to guys????